Waterfall

"Everybody hurt"

2011-03-30T09:46:00.002+08:00

This article I read today clears the way for the much needed explanation why sometimes we feel pain in our chest when someone hurts us without even touching us. As the article begins:

"Like a jab in the arm with a red-hot poker, social rejection hurts. Literally. A new study finds that our brains make little distinction between the sting of being rebuffed by peers -- or by a lover, boss or family member -- and the physical pain that arises from disease or injury."

Albeit pretty obvious, it is an investment in our life to ensure we create healthy relationships with people around us as these relationships ensure us a better life:
"That may help to explain why so many studies are finding that people who feel a rich sense of social connection are live longer and healthier lives than those who are lonely or socially isolated, said Eisenberger."

I am reminded of the song by R.E.M. some years back called 'Everybody hurt'. As the song says: “'Cause everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends”. I would go one step further and say, everybody hurts, take comfort in your faith. It's our faith in the unseen that informs us no matter how much of a discomfort we are in, we have a higher power watching over us and taking us through it.

JK Rowling and lessons from the past

2010-10-04T13:36:00.003+08:00

J.K. Rowling, the author and creator of Harry Potter series, gave an inspiring speech at the Harvard graduation in 2008. The one thing that stayed with me upon finishing the video of the address is the under-rated value of failure. As she eloquently says:

"Failure meant a stripping away of the in-essential"

"Some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something. Unless you live so cautiously that you might as well have not lived at all in which case you fail by default."

In an environment that emphasizes and rewards success as the hallmark of living, and scorns failure as a mark of weakness, Rowling's thoughts on failure warrant our attention. Perhaps we need to take stock of the failures in our life, and not just the success, and question how it has affected the course of our life. And perhaps it is in the failures that we have experienced which allow us to journey the road "less travelled", to quote Robert Frost, “and that has made all the difference”.

J.K. Rowling Speaks at Harvard Commencement from Harvard Magazine on Vimeo.

Intensity of association and songs from the past.

2010-09-24T11:49:00.001+08:00

Great works of popular culture, like great works of literature, represents that generation like a stamp mark that does not fade easily. I am reminded of this fact today as I drive to work and am pleasantly serenaded by a song I use to hold close to my heart.
The song is ‘What’s up”, the 1993 hit single by the San Francisco rock band Four non-Blondes. Written by the lead singer, Linda Perry, it was a song that was constantly on my play list since I was first introduced to it by a friend in the summer of 1994. It was a song which I felt spoke directly to my inability to relate to my environment which I felt, back then, did not understand nor appreciate my sensibilities:

25 years of my life and still
I'm trying to get up that great big hill of hope
for a destination
I realized quickly when I knew I should
that the world was made up of this brotherhood of man
for whatever that means
chorus:

'n so I cry sometimes when I'm lying in bed
just to get it all out what's in my head
'n I, I'm feeling a little peculiar
'n so I wake in the morning and I step outside
'n I take a deep breath
'n I get real high
'n I scream from the top of my lungs
what's goin' on

and I try, oh my God do I try
I try all the time
in this institution
and I pray, oh my God do I pray
I pray ev'ry single day
for a revolution

Today, surprisingly, hearing the song after over a 15-year hiatus, I am drawn to the fact that the song no longer holds the intensity of association it had so long ago. What has happened? Has the song changed? Or has the person listening to it undergone some evolution of the mind and emotion (not to say the least of the body) that makes me less concern with the issues I once thought was sacrosanct to my identity as a person. Perhaps like the reading of novels one held dear as a young person, the text when read as an adult now means different to us partly because our life has taken us on that road and changed our perception of what matters and what can be left aside. As X. J. Kennedy & Dana Gioia state: “Rereading a novel as an adult, for example, that ‘changed your life’ as an adolescent, is often a shocking experience. The book may seem substantially different. ... Has the book changed? Very unlikely, but you certainly have in the intervening years.”

All the same it is a lovely song and warrants attention.

Innocence and maturity of the child

2010-08-17T14:49:00.001+08:00

A friend posted this video on face book today and I am captivated by it. It’s a very good illustration of how knowledge (both language and body language/mannerisms) is transferred from parent to child and how the knowledge is acquired by the child.

Notice how the young child mimics the mother's actions and mannerisms crossing his arms across his chest and uncrossing them and placing them on his hip much like his mother does. He attempts to convey the message he wants to despite the inability to articulation fluently the words.

What on first impression may appear somewhat comical and humorous, on closer examination informs us of various critical responses that may be contrary to the former.

This clip reminds me how innocent a child is and how highly impressionable they are to the manners and ways of the adults. Much like William Blake's innocent 'Little lamb' who is unaware of how he comes to be clothed and fed or how he comes to be able to speak and communicate his thoughts, the child in this clip is an embodiment of innocence. Yet like Blake's 'Tyger', this child too will soon learn the art of expression and mannerism and will walk confidently into maturity having acquired the 'knowledge' from his guardian. Yet is the maturity warranted? Did the child need to be 'educated' as such?

What improves with age?

2010-08-09T21:43:00.001+08:00

A face book friend of mine recently turned 47 and thanked her facebook friends for the birthday wishes. But she also added that even though the “wisdom of age” is great, it is unfortunate that age comes with other added attachments including aches and pains and hormonal imbalances. To which others added a variety of physical pitfalls of aging including dementia, failing eyesight and hearing. And finally, someone suggested the ultimate statement of all, that actually when we think about it, absolutely nothing improves with age.

Gosh! Really? Absolutely nothing? Life just became bleak all of a sudden. That’s like saying it’s all downhill from this point onwards. Really? Is there absolutely nothing about being human improves with age?

Then last friday evening driving home from a dinner function, i had an epiphany. Something does improve with age and it’s not something that one needs to think hard or work hard at, well not really.

Having recently caught two of movies which showcases more 'mature' female juxtaposed against younger female characters, i am struck by how self assured the elder women are. In both Mama Mia and Julie/Julia, in which Meryl Streep plays the older female character, the younger characters, played by Amanda Seyfried and Amy Adams in the two movies respectively, looks on to the older woman for some form of ‘guidance’ and assistance. In both films, Streep’s characters, albeit uncertain about various aspect of her life, does not appear to show any outward insecurity. In fact she appears to take the pressures of living in her stride. The young women in both films, albeit attractive and in a relationship, for various internal conflicts, appear more self preoccupied. Recalling the plot and character development of the two movies, I am struck by how similar they are in the theme of the availability of empowerment especially in the older female characters.

So there! One thing does improve with age, self assurance! When it happens I can’t say but at some point in time the tables are turned. The one who use to seek assurance from others is now endowed with the ability to ‘bestow’ assurance on others younger. And so the cycle continues.

Xanadu: Songs and Memories

2010-07-26T22:21:00.001+08:00

A friend posted a link on her facebook about a song she remembers from the past and the memories it holds for her. That got me thinking about songs that hold similar memories for me. Most of the songs from the late 70s and early 80s hold a lot of memories for me. They were the songs I heard while having breakfast in the morning at 6.50 or thereabouts before the 7 am news on the then Blue Network (which has since been renamed to Radio Four and now, 90.3 Traxx.Fm.)

One such song would be Xanadu by Olivia Newton John, from the 1980 movie of the same name. The title of the song and film are referenced to Coleridge's poem Kubla Khan which has the following opening line:
In Xanadu did Kubla Khan
A stately pleasure-dome decree :
Where Alph, the sacred river, ran
Through caverns measureless to man
Down to a sunless sea.

The thing is every time I hear that song, even now, I picture myself at the dinner table in my grandmother’s fluorescent lite kitchen, in my dark blue pinafore, with neatly combed hair, smelling fresh and clean, eating passively at whatever mom had prepared for breakfast, with my dad sitting at the opposite end of the table looking clean and smart in his office outfit. Ten minutes later I would be making my way out the door, into the grey morning, walking to school which is just about 10-15 minutes away. The sun was just about to come up from behind the rooftops of the shop houses that will remain closed well until the school bell rang at 7.45am.

I love how some songs can open the flood gates of nostalgia and revive the memories held deep in the recesses of our minds. How does a song sit there, seemingly untouched, all these years with all the added memories of the sights and senses of one's childhood landscape despite all that has gone on in one's life. I find that amazing.

Tinkerbell, talent and calling.

2010-07-20T08:29:00.002+08:00

I was having this ‘conversation’ with a friend on face book about creativity and children and how formal education may hinder their creative streak, when I remembered one of the movies that my daughter and I love watching – Tinkerbell. The opening scene in the movie shows how Tinkerbell ‘comes to life’ and is given a choice of talents to choose from. She goes for things that fascinate her or that has members who are friendly towards her. But she ends with a talent that chooses her instead. Watch this clip and see what I mean.

This scene from Tinkerbell best exemplifies how we are all born with a special talent and we just need to discover what that is and make it our "calling". What this movie reminds me is how easily we forget that especially as we are not expected to find our calling till later in adulthood. Unlike Tinkerbell who lives out her talent from the moment she is born, we need to be ‘schooled’ with formal training and such before we can decide what we want to do with our life. But the truth is we don’t really decide. It’s ‘decided’ for us as we come into this world, that is god’s gift to us. Some of us are born leaders while others are born teachers and still others are born to make things with their hands. And others are natural care givers. Today’s world has put a profession and a price tag to each of these natural tendencies in us, which I feel marks the fundamental flaw in our social system.

The best gift give we can give ourselves is to find out what that talent is and not put a price tag on it. All we need to do is to rediscover what our natural talents are and live out our lives to cherish it and develop it to its full potential. Whatever it may be, let our talent shine through us and allow us a voice to exist in this world, with god’s grace and mercy.

Ken Robinson says schools kill creativity | Video on TED.com

2010-07-19T08:43:00.004+08:00

This is a wonderful talk by Ken Robinson about the value of creativity and education which i wish the policy makers will make time to seriously view and consider. (wishful thinking i know!)
There's pleanty of lovely one liners that gets you thinking about the true value of education where creativity is never given its rightful place under the sun.

“All kids have special talents and we squander them pretty ruthlessly.”
“Creativity now is as important in education as literacy”
“Kids will take a chance. if they don’t know they’ll have a go. They’re not frightened of being wrong. ... If you are not prepared to be wrong you’ll never come up with anything original”
We are educating people out of their creative capacities”
“All children are born artist. The problem is to remain artists as we grow up”
“We don’t grow into creativity. We grow out of it.”

Ken Robinson says schools kill creativity Video on TED.com

A blog space of one's own

2010-07-16T08:55:00.004+08:00

We now live in an era in which anyone can be a writer, thanks largely to cyberspace. Long gone are the days in which a woman needs a Room of one's own to freely pen her thoughts down. As Virginia Woolf aptly sums it for the women of her era: "Women, then, have not had a dog's chance of writing poetry. That is why I have laid so much stress on money and a room of one's own."

Everyone in my small family of three has a blog – and why not? It’s free, it’s available and it’s accessible. It’s a great way to develop your voice and personality in a space that does not barricade your existence to a mere signifier of your ethnicity, gender, religion, nationality, marital status, profession etc etc. No, you do not need to be a mature adult, a man, IT savy, a professional to own a space in the cyber world. You just need access to the internet and a blog space and you are good to go.

Which brings me to the issue at hand; do bloggers suffer the “Am I Crazies” syndrome that apparently writers who seek to be a published author suffer from at times? Do bloggers, like the want to be authors, question why they do what they do? Checking out some of the comments on Nathan Bransford’s blog post "You Tell Me: How Do You Deal With the "Am-I-Crazies?" where authors and would be authors air out their thoughts about the art of writing i am drawn to this particular one:

"I know I'm crazy. That helps. Having that resolved.
I also know that the primary person who benefits from my writing is me. Even if I never publish, I will have grown greatly from the process.
Finally, a lot of people say luck is involved in being published. I disagree. I think it's something much more profound than luck. Who am I to say how my writing is best utilized?
Maybe my writing is meant to reach thousands (that would be cool) but maybe not. Maybe my piece is smaller, and maybe it's better that way. If I'm part of a chain, who am I to say I must be the biggest, most shiny link?
So, I'll write and dream of reaching thousands, but I'll also trust that my job really is just to write. If that means only I benefit from it, maybe that's the best possible outcome - I don't see the big picture. I'll do my part, but try - even on days where I'm shaking my fist at the sky - to have a little trust. "

I find a similar theme in many other bloggers of differing discipline and topic. It’s in the calling. Each blogger feels the desire to participate in the continued conversation with their fellow being through their respective blog. Some may do so overtly, others set out to create a space for themselves with the hope of finding kindred spirits with whom they can form a new sense of attachment that goes beyond the daily roles and responsibilities they play out as mothers, wives, sisters, daughters. The sheer fact is its free, its available and it’s here to stay. And if like George Orwell, we have an overactive imagination and the passion for words then we'll know why we write, be that in blogs or paperbacks.

Muslim Girls and Family Honour

2010-07-15T08:28:00.004+08:00

I feel blessed to be a woman and a Muslim, albeit it has not been an easy ride all these years especially in a patriarchal community that neither appreciates nor values the female except as bearers of sons. I have a daughter who I hope feels blessed to be a Muslim and a girl in a household that continues to harness her personality and sense of self within the parameters of the faith. But this article on ‘An American Honor Killing’ reminds me of how fragile that feeling is for so many Muslim girls around the world who continue to live in an environment that considers them little more than a burden to bear till they are married off.

It troubles me that girls are not given the opportunity to decide who they should marry. It troubles me that fathers are not able to develop a stronger bond with their daughters over the years to the extent that the daughters would willingly give up all which is damaging to their faith to ‘please’ their dads. It troubles me to think that dads still demanded their daughters to ‘submit’ to what their elders thought best for them, as opposed to finding out what their daughters thought for themselves. It troubles me to thing that girls are still killed off, literally, for the ‘trouble’ they appear to give their fathers and family, like the times of jahilliah.

I don’t know what the solution is for such turbulent times in the father-daughter relationship that continues to mar the fabric of our faith. But I feel if fathers continued to treat their daughters as nothing more than a burden to unleash to the next man that comes a long, the dad has failed on so many accounts. He has failed to realise that it is in his relationship that he best nurtures the person that the child grows up to be and it is in his relationship that he fulfils his responsibility or ‘haq’ to his child. Killing the child off because she gives you shame merely leaves you with blood on your hands to carry with you through life and death and the hereafter. I end this heavy piece with a light one. Here’s a song that my daughter and I love that best captures the essence of the father –daughter relationship:

fathers be good to your daughters
daughters will love like you do
girls become lovers
turn into mothers
so mothers be good to your daughters too.

In the spirit of Ramadan

2010-07-12T08:41:00.008+08:00

Tomorrow is 1st of Sha'ban, which means ramadam is a month away.
Here's a reminder to all muslims. I apologise that the article is in Malay.

In a nutshell the article narrates an event during the times of Rasullah (peace and blessings be upon him) where the Angel Jibrail came to visit the prophet on the eve of Eid and made a doa to which the prophet said amin 3 times. The first doa says no muslim will gain barakah from Ramadan if he has wronged his parents and they have not forgiven him. Second doa says no muslim shall gain barakah of fasting in Ramadan if there is misunderstanding between husband and wife and they've not forgiven one another. And the third doa says no muslim will gain barakah of ramadan if there are misunderstandings between him and his relative or neighbours and they each have not forgiven one another.

This is yet another example of the communal spirit that is at the core of the Islamic faith which many muslims today, i fear, forget. We are not an individual whose lives are disconnected from our environment and who continue to live solely for oneself. Even if we tried to, there are still responsibilites to others we need to fulfill before we can enjoy the barakah for the effort we put in during Ramadan. Performing the fast in the entire month of Ramadan while a fellow human being is offended by your acts (done intentionally or other wise) is, as it turns out according to this narration, a futile effort.

In the spirit of the coming holy month let us prepare for Ramadan by first seeking forgiveness from those near (and far) and dear. Salam.

Fiction and life: points of convergence and divergence

2010-07-09T08:41:00.004+08:00

I want to respond to a blog post I read today by the literary agent Nathan Bransford entitled ‘undercooking a novel’ who comments about how a writer’s task is not to represent life “as its actually happen” for as he assert “we have, well, real life for that”. Instead Bransford’s stand is that a writer’s task is to “elevate life and add spices and all the rest. Writers interpret real life, elevate it, reorder events, and serve up something perfectly balanced and ready for public consumption."

I see his point. As he says at the end of his discussion “serving up raw life on the page without cooking it is like putting a beet on a plate and saying dinner is served.” I love vegetables and we usually have two dishes of vege with any meal at home, but raw beet – hmmm, I don’t think so.

Having said that, ‘rawness’ in representation of art has a place.

Yes, there is a need for the author to, “spice it up” a little and create a world that engages and captures our imagination, thus we have for instance the fantasy and science fiction genres which help us suspend our disbelieve long enough to engage with the made up world that the writers create, think Avatar if you must. However, there is also realism which sets out to represent life as lived and engages the reader to reconsider life from the author's perspective.

The very fact that there are different genres of fiction asserts to the fact that writings and writers have a divergent sense of life around them and they set out to represent it as they choose with the hope, i'm sure, to find readers who can connect to their narrative. To limit literary representation to any one mode is to limit the representation of life in art.

The rapper and the muslim: contradiction?

2010-07-08T08:21:00.004+08:00

I caught this short video clip on youtube showing a muslimah, Miss Undastood rapping thoughts about her life. She has just released her latest album 'Hijabi Hip Hop 2010'.

First thing i did was to read the comments left by viewers. You can tell a lot from these thoughts about the state of public sentiments of any given issue posted. And this one is no different. Suffice to say most people who logged in to watch the video are Muslim fans, with comments like

"keep that vibe sister Salaamulaikum! Rap is universal, and the gift came to me at 11 keep spitting sister. Marshallah!"
and,

"masha allah i love this sister may allah bless you and grant you jannatul firdouze"

However, there was one who reminded the viewers of the permissablitity of the performance with music to which four people so far have expressed agreement:

"salam u aleykoum my brothers and my sister we can discuss this thing the whole night but the beats are haram just daff for the women and JUST on weddings or special events so you can say what ever u want i have the proof from the hadith from sahih bukhari if she wants to do something for the religion and for ALLAH SWT then she can do a video or something but not with something haram may good show us the right way inshallah."

I know it’s a controversial issue - should women perform when their voice is an aurat? Are there any school of thoughts that allows for women to perform in public while keeping to her faith? Is performance accompanied by music halal? etc

This is my take on the issue. As a Muslimah, Miss Undastood speaks directly to the highly impressionable teens and young adults. She gets the message of one-ness of worship and servitude across in her raps. She presents herself as a stage performer not in the conventional rap artist attire but as a Muslimah who is modestly attired. As a Muslim myself, I like her. I might not necessarily gravitate to the genre of the music she makes, but i would like to think that she is doing what she feels comfortable as a Muslim and i appreciate that in her. My stand as a muslim is as long as we live our lives to serve the Creator and as long as our intentions do not sway from that sense of servitude, i would like to think Allah will be pleased with us, Insha’Allah. May Allah be pleased with this lady and may she continue to be guided in her chosen field.

Appreciating the “Hard Headed Woman” by Cat Stevens.

2010-07-07T12:47:00.010+08:00

The first time I heard that song many many moons ago, I just took a pause and breathed out a sigh. How wonderful it is to hear a song about male persona pining for a “hard headed woman”. Most songs describe women in a nutshell – beautiful but difficult, seductive and dangerous, or desirable but taken. But this one by Cats Stevens (Yusuf Islam) describes how I would like to be appreciated.

Albeit there are women who would be described as “fancy dancers” yet have nothing to offer:

"I know a lot of fancy dancers,
people who can glide you on a floor,
They move so smooth but have no answers.
When you ask "Why'd you come here for?"
"I don't know" "Why?"

It’s rare to hear a song in which the man appears to praise the woman for her mind rather than her body.

"I'm looking for a hard headed woman,
One who will take me for myself,
And if I find my hard headed woman,
I will need nobody else, no, no. "

It’s even rarer to hear a song describe the woman as one who pushes him to outdo himself, and he feels blessed to have that in his life:

"I'm looking for a hard headed woman,
One who will make me do my best,
And if I find my hard headed woman
I know the rest of my life will be blessed -- yes, yes, yes."

But of course the man will not be a man if he didn’t want his woman to be able to make him “feel so good”, and that is fine too ;).

"I'm looking for a hard headed woman,
One who will make me feel so good,
And if I find my hard headed woman,
I know my life will be as it should -- yes, yes, yes. "

Here’s hoping my man reads this blog post and appreciates the “hard headed” me :)

What I like about FB?

2010-07-07T09:10:00.006+08:00

I’ve been a FB user for nearly 9 months now and I have 97 friends to date (which actually pales in comparison to my friends’ lists which mounts to the hundreds; beside the point.)

But as I go on FB this morning (before office starts of course, and while having my packed breakfast), it occurs to me what I find fascinating about this social networking site. At one sitting I end up having a mini-conversation with all of my friends who have posted something interesting recently. The lists of running thoughts are endless:

“a date with Edward this saturday! *wink*” [[Edward being the vampire Cullen from the Twilight Saga]]
“is watching uru vs ned....while someone is dreaming about uru vs ned.... @_@”, [[as in the seminfinals to the world cup last night in which the dutch did what they came to do – get into the finals of the world cup 2010 after 32 years]]
"goodbye uruguay, hand of god number 2 can only take u so far. should have been ghana fighting it out to be in the final. gonna take forever for gyan to foget about the penalthy miss [[reference to the quarterfinals in which Ghana lost due to penalty miss. but today’s news states that the players will be paid on for their performance in the world cup – now if that’s not rigging I don’t know what is, LOL! ]]

And to each of these running thoughts I get to decide whether or not I wish to participate in the conversation. And if I do, I get to decide if I merely want to acknowledge that I have ‘heard’ their thoughts by clicking the “like” button, or proceed to leave my own comment in the comment button which my friend will be informed of when she/he signs in. This way, we strike up a conversation that might last over a few posts.

There are times when I see attachments or youtube video clips that my friends have left, like a news article on the continued BP scandal that is now reported to create air pollution through the chemical released which reports say mounts to the hundreds of thousands. The post informs me of my friends interests to which i may choose to respond.

for complete article see the link

In a nutshell, FB allows me to stay connected with friends I’ve developed a cyber-relationship with, some of whom I’ve never physically met and others I’ve known since my school days. I appreciate this tool we have in our lives today. as I told a friend from the US, technology has a lot to be credited for the lifestyle we lead today. It has made our world that much smaller and our human contact that much easier.

Disclaimer: I am mindful of the repercussions of ‘easy’ human contact but I won’t get into that now. Suffice to say, one cannot be lonely when one is alone with the computer that is connected online.

Statement of Petition.

2010-03-21T21:41:00.004+08:00

This is the statement i placed on the Perdana Global Peace website to stop Tony Blair from being welcomed into the country:

Malaysian should begin to take a stronger stand against the atrocities happening in the world. It is the only way for us to be true global players. Tony Blair, like his big brother GW Bush, will go down in history as a public figure who played a major role in the atrocities taking place in the world this century. Our children and children’s children will read about them in their history books and question how their forefathers allowed such a criminal a state welcome despite their know atrocities. We also want the Malaysian children, now and in future, to be proud of the role we, Malaysians played, albeit in an indirect manner to curb the respect and accolade showed onto these criminals who still have the blood of innocent Iraqi civilians on their hands. Do not allow Tony Blair to enter the country as a former statesman. Our great grand children will scorn and mock us for our lack of courage and dignity to do the right thing when we had the chance. This is the legacy that we will leave behind, lest we forget.

For those interested to sign the petition, see the following link.

Michael Jackson and My Epiphany: Part 1

2010-03-21T10:39:00.004+08:00

I had an epiphany watching the videos ‘Ghost’ and “2 bad” by Michael Jackson:

I love how MJ took the 'man in the mirror' motif and extended it here by playing the antagonist (the White man who is chasing him out) and the protagonist (himself). It’s like the other without (i.e. those who are victimizing and ridiculing him) is at times within him too. He watches himself and sings the words as if he is being critical over another, yet all the time, the other is in fact him in disguise.
It takes courage to be able to admit that at times I am my own ‘nightmare’. I am the one who at times sabotages the good that is going in my life by not giving more of me to the life that I have been given.

Most times, we are our own 'nightmare' and if we can see that, then we can start to live with the craziness that is outside of us.

If this doesn’t make sense it’s ok; it’s a great song and a wonderfully crafted music video, especially the long version which to date stands as the longest music video 41 minutes (which looks more like a short film) .

Allah: What's in a name?

2010-01-10T20:22:00.002+08:00

How does God which is referred to by Christians to mean the Father, the son and the holy spirit, i.e. the trinity akin to the God which the Holy Quran names overtly, al-ahad, the One and Only, the Eternal, the Absolute, who begets not nor is It begotten? (See the Holy Quran Surah 112). The Malay word for God is NOT ALLAH. Why is the word Tuhan not sufficient to describe the Creator? Where in the Bible was ALLAH ever used? These are fundamental questions that need to guide our inter-religious discussion on this matter of the use of the proper name Allah if we are to solve this fundamental religious issue.

Just because something has been going on for decades and beyond does not justify it to be correct. Perhaps sheer ignorance of the matter has allowed it to be used thus far. That does not mean that with knowledge the current generation continues to act jahil. God can defend itself sufficiently; The Almighty does not need anyone to defend Its majesty and rightful ownership of life. What the believers in Allah need to do is not to commit shirik, which is the worse act of defilement of Faith a believer can commit in which al-ahad, Allah, is allowed to be associated with any other entity.

This is what Muslims are affected by, which unfortunately is not understood by the non-Muslims. For to them, perhaps, God can beget a son and descend upon the earth and live among mortals, only to die on the cross. But the minute a Muslim allows this belief to be associated with Allah subhanawataalla, we have just relinquished our Faith. As Allah says in Its own words: “Allah forgives not that partners should be set up with It; but It forgives anything else, to whom It pleases; to set up partners with Allah is to devise a sin most heinous indeed” (Surah 4: 48).

In matters of faith, I believe, one cannot conform to the politics of multireligiousity at every juncture. This is not to say one should not allow for freedom of religion in a multicultural, multireligious nation such as Malaysia. In fact the opposite is true in Islam where as stated by Allah in Its own words in the Holy Quran, we are to accept the faith of the other as their chosen path as they are to accept our faith as our chosen path (See surah 109, Holy Quran). This is also not to say that Allah is a word sacred to only the Muslims. For as Allah says in the Holy Quran anyone who believes in the Almighty is a believer. Thus Allah can and should be used by any human on this earth for as long as it means the One and Only, al-ahad, with no association to any other entity. Until then, my suggestion is for us to use general nouns like God or Lord in English and Tuhan in Malay. In this case, the answer to the age old question, ‘what’s in a name’, would be everything.

Salam.

Redefinition: Of the past and present

2009-12-29T08:24:00.004+08:00

What does the past really hold for any of us? Why is it in human nature to reminisce? My generation seems adamant in recollecting the past, especially the college years. With the advent of facebook this ‘need’ is greatly enhanced. The pictures are paraded for all to see, and in so doing it kind of help reaffirm the image we hold in our mind that – yes! I was there and I did do that and I did have a whale of a time! But personally, I can’t appreciate it as much.

I am not a keen advocate of recollecting the past, not because I don’t think the events were particularly significant. In fact the events were real. I was in Grand Canyon summer of 93, I did go back packing in the summer of 89, I did have my heart soar like that eagle flying high when so and so read me the poem he wrote for me in the summer of... never mind that. But the honest truth is, I have a kind of out of body experience when I recollect those events. It’s me and yet it’s not. The person who experienced those events was me of that time, and the person I am today with all that ‘water under the bridge’ is different. And I need to be mindful of it.
On a different yet connected note, my 5 year old is undergoing something similar. She is experiencing a need to redefine herself, at 5! She has decided that she would like to be known as Sofe or Sofea, her first name, and not Ra’isah, and second name. For the last five year she has been addressed as Ra’isah by the family, friends and teachers. And now, she informs us that she wants us to call her Sofe or Sofea. Initially, I don’t think I took her seriously enough. But then I realise that like many of us who sometimes feel the need to redefine our sense of self either through hair style or colour, through clothes and car, my daughter too needed to redefine who she is to the world. And why not? Isn’t that part of the evolution of being human? To constantly revaluate your sense of being and modify and amend where necessary? But the problem is, the world at large, and by that I mean other fellow humans, would rather we stay the way we have been. I guess it helps create a sense of constancy in life. But with constancy, there is also a mediocrity that may sit in. As if to say, this was me and this is all I am and this is all I can and will be.

What I am learning from Sofea is this: Don’t assume you know who the person is even if you’ve been mates for over 20 years or you’ve been college buddies back in the 90s or what have you. As long as we breathe and think and are aware of our sense of being, we will continue to evolve and redefine our sense of who we are. And there is nothing others can do about it but to learn to adapt and accept our changes.

True meaning of acceptance: Part 1

2009-10-20T09:57:00.001+08:00

A student of mine made this astute observation based on a statement by John Keats "The acceptance of grief and pain is necessary to the creation of a unique individual". As she says, “I wholeheartedly agree with these lines because the more we suffer the more greater benefits we reap later on.”

Does that mean we need to seek suffering in order for our life to be successful?

I think the key word that Keats and likeminded others highlight is "acceptance". Many times we, lesser mortals, fail to accept the life we have and wish for something more or something else. Eckhart Tolle in his seminal work A New Earth has numerous quotable quotes that focus on that one issue of acceptance. For instance, “When you fully accept that you don’t know, you actually enter a state of peace and clarity that is closer to who you truly are than thought could ever be.” (90) And another, “Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at this moment.” (41)

In a nutshell, Tolle argues for acceptance, as he says, and I paraphrase, freedom from unhappiness equals acceptance. So back to the Keats’ statement – it is only when we accept the “grief and pain” we are exposed to in life can we begin to reach our true potential.

Inspirational living: the gift that keeps giving

2009-09-11T10:04:00.001+08:00

I caught this video on youtube of Michael Jordan’s greatest moments on the basketball court. And the thing that struck me most is this: some people are meant to live their life to inspire others to better themselves - Jordan is that type of being. Yes he is good, and yes he worked very hard and sacrificed a great deal of time and energy to achieve his success and yes he deserves every bit of the accolade and platitude showered upon him. All the same, I think he has done more than that with his life.

I feel that in perfecting his craft as he has done, he has gone on to inspire others to better themselves. He has gone on the make others look at the way they do things and perhaps ask ‘how can I perfect this?’ Anyone who watches Jordan on the basketball court doing his little thing cannot but be inspired to want to better themselves somehow. And watching it one is also driven to acclaim, as I am, – ‘I too want to live a successful life that inspires others towards success’. It’s yet another example of “the gift that keeps giving”. Perhaps this is an example of the "Collective self good" that Rinaldo Walcott spoke about. Walcott defines ‘collective self good’ as being responsible for the betterment of others as one is responsible for the betterment of oneself. i love that concept as it champions a sense of relational existence that best represents a communal agency.

My parting hope for this wonderful Friday morning is we all live our lives as successful beings who then inspire others towards living successful lives. Salam.

Check out the two youtube videos that I spoke of in this post
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eoEjTMj0Yug&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQ3B8p58qj4

Of service and humanity: A message to all doctors

2009-08-28T22:07:00.002+08:00

Being a doctor requires a certain degree of social and communicative skill, after all, as a specialist friend says, you are not a doctor without your patients. But truth be told many of our doctors assume a 'god-sent' status and forget how to relate to their patients as fellow human in need of health care. Many of us are able to share stories about certain doctors who have forgotten the beauty of service and the reason they are doctors that they treat their patients with little or no humanity, like to one my mother recently met when she had her knee looked at by a specialist who has lost the love for the profession that he would dismiss a patient’s concern by not addressing it. But then again, thankfully, there are those, like my daughter's pediatrician, who despite seeing over 20 patients in one session, can still speak with care and courtesy to the 23rd patient who comes into her office. I truly wish whoever considers this crucial profession takes into consideration the demands of service in its true sense. Otherwise go make money in some other profession.

Written in response to Che Det's blog entry on DOCTORS

Life and living: Part 1

2009-08-02T09:04:00.004+08:00

Having a sense of faith, in this day and age, is not an asset, but at times appears to be a liability. We live in an age that sees the strong tension played out between having an unquestionable sense of faith in the unseen and needing a strong rational scientific explanation to anything and everything. we also live in an era that resists an acceptance of the another life after this and urges the best living of the here and now as it is the only life we've got. But once in awhile we need to be reminded that albeit today is important as it gives an opportunity to live out another day the best we can, we also, i feel, need to remember that today's actions feeds into tomorrow's possibilities and that tomorrow can be lived in this life or another, upon death.

Watching the African American Muslim actor-comedian Omar Regan’s interview on youtube recently i am reminded of the importance of taking the demands of this life in one's own faith-filled stride. I love the way Omar Regan appears to take the demands of living as a Muslim in Hollywood in his own Muslim-stride. He does not become someone else but as he says tries to live life with good manners and good character, which are the essence of Islam. Added to which, a strong sense of humor is crucial in such a chaotic world. In a nutshell, yes, one ought to live the best life today. But as I see it that day becomes a lot more positive when lived not just for the day but for the future possibilities it hold when lived with awareness of one’s connection to a higher being.

check out the youtube clip when he was interviewed during hajj season by AlJazeera
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3epjNnT9K_E

Facebook and all that ...

2009-07-15T11:40:00.003+08:00

On the Oprah Winfrey Show Facebook a few months ago there was this post asking viewers to put in their thoughts about how facebook has changed their life. The following are some of the questions:

1 How has Facebook changed your life?

2 Have you reconnected with long lost friends and family members through facebook?

3 Did you find someone very special to you that you thought was lost forever? Did you find love on facebook and eventually get married?

4 How has Facebook changed your life?

5 Do you spend hours and hours on Facebook? Are you constantly checking your friend's status updates? Do you write status updates every hour? Do you constantly poke people or send them "good karma" all the time?

6 Are you spending too much time on Facebook?

7 Do you regret posting something on Facebook?

8 Did you post a status update that you thought was silly but now you regret it? Did someone see an embarrassing photo that you can't live down? Did you find out a secret when someone posted information on your wall? Did you write on someone's wall and now you're thinking "why did I do that!"

9 Did you reveal an embarrassing secret you wished you hadn't on Facebook?

The thing is none of these questions appear significant to me and I began to wonder if perhaps I have been using the tool wrongly.

I did not get on facebook to get reconnected with long lost friends. I didn’t get on facebook to inform others of my private life, quite happy keeping it private really. Neither did I get on facebook to network with new people. So why did I get on facebook, I ask myself bemusedly?

I got on facebook for purely personal reasons – to be updated on the latest event/thought happening in the lives of some public figures I admired and wanted to keep abreast with. I also wanted a site where I can send some of my favourite songs, interviews, movie clips, lecture series that I got off youtube for ‘safe keeping’. It’s my electronic journal or as I call it on my facebook profile, they are a collage of my interests. I don’t do it to inform others but I choose to create a collage for my personal viewing. Albeit there are a meagre amount of people I consider my social contacts, in general I ‘hang out’ with the people I don’t otherwise meet or are in contact with. I wonder if that means I am abusing the facebook service just a little?!

Some relationships are meant to break up.

2009-05-08T11:07:00.001+08:00

Some relationships are meant to break up. We all assume that when two people come together and say to one another, ‘I want to share this journey with you’, they will be together for life. But my personal observation of this, is not so.

I use a simple illustration of two of my former students who were known at the school as best friends. For over two years they are always seen together, and they appear to share a common bond. Lecturers and students took it for granted that when you saw one, you will inevitable see the other. One would speak her mind at any given moment, in a candid manner that illustrates her strong sense confidence and agency. The other appears more at ease ‘being’ rather than ‘saying’. Yet the other, as I observe, did not overtly take the effort to discover anything beyond the immediate. But last year everyone noticed that these two very close friends were not very close any more. Long story short, they went their separate ways. Many of us tried to explain the break up in our own ways. Some said the one took something from the other, some said the one was very clingy and did not allow the other to do things on her own.

Now almost a year later as I see them both separately in my office, I see something positive about both of them. The one who was outspoken has continued her journey and will undoubtedly develop into a strong and formidable individual in her own right. And the other, who was ‘seen but not always heard from’ has since begun to discover newer interests and has since developed a wonderful ability to express her creativity in her chosen art. She speaks her mind not in the conventional manner of speech but through visual imageries. I am pleased to see that like her friend she too will leave the university having discovered her sense of voice and is now ready to develop her identity in a more positive manner, not as attached to another but as a person in her own right.

Some relationships are meant to break up, for the good of all. These two ladies will now have a chance to give more of themselves to themselves and to the world at large without anyone feeling the discomfort of being.

'We are who we choose to be.'

2009-05-01T15:58:00.003+08:00

I did something at work yesterday which I felt in my conscience was right. I wrote an email in respond to something that happened and sent it out to the people who needed to hear it. Of course I was called in by the boss a few hours later. Of course I felt down because of it. But I could not articulate what I was upset about. Was it because the people I sent it to did not appreciate what I was trying to say (well then this wouldn’t be the first time!). or was it because I knew what I did was not wrong and I should not get a ‘slap on the wrist’ for it.

I then spent the evening feeling lost in myself, like I’ve lost the ability to make the right decisions based on the things I feel is right. At 38 going on 39 the last thing anyone wants to feel is uncertain about her/his gut feeling. And here I was feeling like I did wrong just because the people in ‘power’ didn’t appreciate my actions.

Then today, like everything in my life thus far, I stumble upon a short clip on youtube that reaffirms my belief in my own actions. It is an interview Tavis Smiley had with Will Smith (one of my favourite person alive), in which Will says, “We are who we choose to be”.

I choose to be that person who sends out that email. I choose to accept that what I did was right and for the better of others. I choose to be a person who solves issues I am faced with and not accept problems as a given and accommodate it in my life. To my boss who wanted me to accommodate the particular problem we were faced with and take it as a ‘privilege’ and not a ‘chore’, I say this: I choose otherwise.

Dealing with the Demands of Work Life.

2009-04-22T14:47:00.006+08:00

I have been in my chosen profession for over 14 years now and am looking forward to another 14, god willing; and this is what i know for sure about me and work life so far - that i can get thrown into situations and have to deal with people of many walks of life with many hang ups of their own and i keep seeing this one pattern - i can deal with it and move on. i can get upset with my co-workers or even employers for their lack of work ethnics or lack of professionalism or generally lack of leadership skills but i am still able to work with them. i can loose my cool in the comfort of my office or space or vent my frustration to the 'chosen' few and still be able to face them with a straight face and speak in a civil manner. i use to call it 'being hypocritical' but now i call it 'dealing with the demands of work life'.

Whose the favourite

2008-10-14T16:06:00.004+08:00

Yet another question being posted by my morning djs as I drive to work switching between stations to catch news and views instead of the music ( I honestly prefer my playlist instead of the ones on the air, but let's not go there at this point):
Did your parents have favourites between their children? Were you the favourite or the black sheep of the family? If you are a parent do you have favourites? Do you tell them they are the favourite?

I know the answer to this for me; i grew up being the black sheep of the family for various emotional, intellectual and perhaps physical reasons. I felt that I did not get the equal kind of attention that my other siblings did from our mom. I am not airing dirty linen here but making a point. I have since my twenties been very articulate about it with my mom and she has since (over the last 5 years) been very conscious about the way she treats each and every one of us. But all the same I have very vivid memories about the neglect I felt I was subjected to as a child in comparison to my siblings, and my mom, God Bless her, have come out and admitted to some of these things and i love her even more for it.

Yet if we ask ourselves can we honestly say we don't have favourites among the people in our lives? Between aunties or uncles - surely there is a favourite. Likewise between grandparents, between our teachers, between friends, between cousins, between nieces and nephews etc etc – each group of people presents us with possibilities in which we identify some as have more ‘significant’ in our life that others. We like and perhaps even love them all but there are a few who will stand out in our mind as our favourite uncle or aunt or grandparent etc. Equally as a teacher i do have students in each class who i think well of not because i think they are good but because they exhibit a character that makes them different from the others, and they endear me to them.

So i suppose I do understand my past in this way: i was not as articulate as my sister or as bright as my sister and brother or as beautiful as my sister or as outgoing as my sister; in a nutshell, unfortunately for my parents i was not what one would consider a child that shone from day one of life. I was a late bloomer and with others in the family to focus on and with so much commitments and responsibilities, I suppose it is understandable that one child is 'lost' in the frame of family life. I was fed, I was schooled, I was given the necessities of life but I felt devoid of recognition. I was not recognised for anything specific largely because I did not have any specific qualities to be recognised for; I was a below mediocre, below average in almost everything. Yet that ‘burden’ is something of my past that I have been attempting to accept and move on from in different ways - in my own person, in all my students and in my daughter – to recognise the qualities in myself and others which I feel makes I and them ‘special’ and the ‘favourite’ in my own eyes. I guess I want to live on the premise that I don’t need recognition from someone before I feel significant (easier said than done I know!).

I accept that I am not my mom's favourite and I accept that I cannot change that, but that does not mean I cannot have a healthy relationship with my mom today. The past does not define our sense of relationship, our inability to accept the shortcomings of the past will constrain our current state of care for each other. So i will not be the one she thinks off the most, so what? So i might not be the one she thinks well off when she recalls her children's childhood. so what? At my recent convocation, as i was putting on my robe and walking to the hall, she said this : the one who would cry when i ask her to do her reading or her school work is now a doctor; we both had an emotional moment! Must be wonderful for her to put that ghost to rest, that the one child who she thought might have difficulty amounting to anything in life due to my 'slowness @ lembab @ mangkuk (Penangite might know this word)' is now a significant member of academia. Once she and i are able to move beyond our rememberance of the past we can be more open to each other -- I find comfort in that knowledge.

House

2008-10-12T19:59:00.005+08:00

I was listening to my usual breakfast show as i was driving to office last week, and the topic that was being discussed was this: If you could be in a tv show that best describes you or your personality, which would it be and why?

I use to play these types of psychological games at college with questions such as identify three animals that you like most and why; answering the question somehow gives one a perspective of the self that one would not be aware of.
So, now older and a litte wiser I embark upon answering the question which tv program would i like to be in? Well the fact is i dont get to watch much tv thanks in part to Ra'isah and her playhouse disney, and also because honesty i just am not into tv series as i hate being tied to any non-human such as a tv show that i would end up wanting to keep track of week after week irrespective of my other commitments -- been there, done that.

All the same, i do have a favourite character on TV that i somehow am hooked on, Gregory House (Hisham gets the series for me on line so technically i am watching it on tv :)). Perhaps its his bluer than blue eyes or tall lanky stature, or that choy smile he pulls when something unexpected crosses his path, or that quip tongue of his that always has something or other to say about something or other; i don't know exactly but i will say this, i love that he is so good at what he does that it does not matter what people think of him or the way he carries himself. He does not need to justify himself to the world and yet has an important function in it. I don't see myself in the character in anyway but i do have a strong need to want that sense of purpose in life - being so good at what you do that it appears as if you are almost born to do just that. My search continues.

Doa to put into practise

2008-09-26T11:15:00.002+08:00

I got this list of doa from a dear friend of mine today along with a raya wish and i thought it best to share it with everyone here. Hope it be of benefit to all visitors of this blog. Take care and may we be guided always. -- waterfall

Bismillahirrahmanirrahiim (In the name of Allah the most merciful and the most benevolent)

1. Allah is He, than Whom there is no other god;- the Sovereign, the Holy One, the Source of Peace (and Perfection), the Guardian of Faith, the Preserver of Safety, the Exalted in Might, the Irresistible, the Supreme: Glory to Allah. (High is He) above.

2. Truly, my prayer and my service of sacrifice, my life and my death, are (all) for Allah, the Cherisher of the Worlds:

3. Our Lord! Truly Thou dost know what we conceal and what we reveal: for nothing whatever is hidden from Allah, whether on earth or in heaven.
4. Who created me, and it is He Who guides me;
5. Who gives me food and drink
6. And when I am ill, it is He Who cures me;
7. Who will cause me to die, and then to life (again);
8. And who, I hope, will forgive me my faults on the day of Judgment.

9. Our Lord!" (they say), "Let not our hearts deviate now after Thou hast guided us, but grant us mercy from Thine own Presence; for Thou art the Grantor of bounties without measure.

10. Our Lord! bestow on us Mercy from Thyself, and dispose of our affair for us in the right way!"

11. Our Lord! we have indeed believed: forgive us, then, our sins, and save us from the agony of the Fire;

12. Glory to our Lord! Verily we have been doing wrong!

13. My Lord! Grant Thou forgiveness and mercy for Thou art the Best of those who show mercy!

14. My Lord! Advance me in knowledge.

15. My Lord! Bestow wisdom on me, and join me with the righteous;

16. My Lord! Truly am I in (desperate) need of any good that Thou dost send me!
17. Ease my task for me;
18. And remove the impediment from my speech,
19. So they may understand what I say:

20. My Lord! I do seek refuge with Thee, lest I ask Thee for that of which I have no knowledge. And unless thou forgive me and have Mercy on me, I should indeed be lost!

21. My Lord! I seek refuge with Thee from the suggestions of the Evil Ones.
22. And I seek refuge with Thee O my Lord! lest they should come near me.

23. Praise be to Allah, Lord of the heavens and Lord of the earth,- Lord and Cherisher of all the Worlds

24. God bless our Master Muhammad (pbuh) who opened what had been closed, and who is the Seal of what had gone before, he who makes the Truth Victorious by the Truth, the guide to thy straight path, and bless his household as is the due of his immense position and grandeur.

25. Allah, bestow Your Choicest Blessings upon our Master Muhammad Peace be Upon Him and upon his extended family and his progeny according to the number of all things known to You. I seek the forgiveness of the One but for whom there is no God, The Truly and Perfectly Alive and The Self Sustained and I turn to Him with repentance. O The Truly and Perfectly Alive O The Self Sustained

Being blessed - my silver lining

2008-09-11T20:26:00.003+08:00

You know you are blessed when family, friends, colleagues and students keep you in their thoughts in your hours of need. Since the news of my miscarriage got out, I have had nothing but encouragement and support, kind and thoughtful words, words of wisdom and most of all gestures of love from so many individuals. A colleague of mine said to me today, she's disappointed on hearing the news because she thought she would soon be an aunt to my baby; I love that a total stranger, who works with me and has only gotten to know me these last few months since working with me on a project, has taken me to her heart enough to think of me in this manner. I also love that students to whom i was a total stranger 10 weeks ago, hold me in their minds and hearts and take the trouble to leave me messages of hope and recovery. I love that a former student who is now a dear friend would take the trouble to get me the right herbs to eat and drink these 30 days in order for my body to recover what it had lost. I love that despite my lost and my sadness, I feel and can see the blessings around me. We should all be so blessed. God is great!

Emotional compass

2008-09-07T12:53:00.005+08:00

When i had my miscarriage on Friday the 29th of August 2008 after 9 weeks carrying a fetus in my womb, i tried to be stoic about it and told myself that it's what God had intended for us. But when i saw Hisham break down in front of me i knew things were as bad as i felt. All the same, my sister is right when she said to me that evening - we are measured not by the number of children we have, but by how well we raise those that are in our care. That's the priority. Having said that, i will acknowledge this much; my husband in part is my emotional compass. When things get bad, as its sometimes known to happen in life, and i feel like having one of my blow ups or melt downs, i look to him for a reality check. And this latest episode in our life is bad but we'll get through it and god willing try again, and succeed.

Recognising one's self worth

2008-09-07T12:24:00.000+08:00

Watching Carrie Underwood being interviewed by Oprah, I had a light bulb moment.

Carrie Underwood carries herself with that grace and softness that’s endearing. She holds herself in and not let what’s happening around her affect what goes on inside. She’s almost an observer of life, albeit an active member herself.

When Oprah ends the interview with a string of accolade, Carrie merely acknowledges the former with a smile and a thank you. It’s almost as if the praises are already a known fact to her. She does not appear to need others to tell her that she is this or that, because in her mind she already recognises her self worth.

My “aha” moment is this: recognise your self worth – are you a good teacher, are you a good mother, do you strive to do good in life, do you appreciate what God has given you, do you recognise the abundance that is you life? Acknowledge these things to the self and recognise them for what they are – precious gifts. And live in the moment and leave it at that. Waiting for others to recognise and acknowledge the value of me will be akin to wasting the life that is before me.

Silence

2008-07-01T15:08:00.002+08:00

The value of silence is overrated:
it tells nothing
yet
proposes everything
based solely on
the imagination
and expectation
of the other;
so
when lost for words
keep sister silence
your companion
and let others
imagine and believe.

So who is this guy? A Mother's Commitment

2008-07-01T14:56:00.002+08:00

So, who is this guy
You’ve found for her?
He know anything about her?
What she look like?
How much she make?
How hot tempered she is?
How stubborn she is?
He care?

So who is this fellow
You’ve asked her to meet?
Who think he can take up
The responsibility
Of a wife
And later
A family,
Just maybe!

So, who is this joker
You want her to see?
Who she later must
attend to
Hand and foot
Day and night
For the rest of her living years!
Ah! So this is he
Who I doubt know how to make
A decent cup of tea
And household chores
Never in his vocabulary
And she must say yes to
And let things be!

For us

2008-07-01T14:48:00.003+08:00

it is the invisible touch
of the distant souls
that understands not
the consequence,
yet comprehends
the innate intentions,
that bind us one
in this sacred act
of womanhood.

Human in being

2008-07-01T14:45:00.002+08:00

We are made for the Heavens
not necessarily fitted for Earth.
We forget where we came from
we loose sight of our goals
we disregard our natural instincts
we turn deaf to our inner voices
we loose touch of reality.
We become human in our being.

Still waiting

2008-07-01T14:41:00.002+08:00

She enters the room
looking lovely and lost.
The dress she wore
made her glow in the dim light.
She looks around
and finds no friendly faces.
She picks up a drink
and walks to a corner.
The music plays on
the night grows old
as she watches the couples dance
to one tune
then another.

She gets a nod
from across the room -
its time to go.
As she stands to leave
he walks through the door;

The old

2008-07-01T14:34:00.002+08:00

the biscuit in the bottle
is now soft.
the crunchiness
is lost
in the stale air.
it no longer holds
any value
to the man
who bought it
sometime back.

he picks it up
and throws it to the dogs.
they swallow it whole
without thinking twice.

Old faces

2008-07-01T14:32:00.001+08:00

see the faces
that bear no sorrow

watch the eyes
that memory's borrowed

what's left
of us tomorrow

but these old,
faded photos.

Father (first published in NST)

2008-06-27T08:38:00.002+08:00

i went to my father
and told him,
'i would like to be married.'

first he went quiet
and that got me worried.
oh dear, thought i
perhaps he thinks me
too young
or that i should complete
my education
or that my sister has to
marry first
or that we could not
afford a marriage

almost a full minute later
with all seriousness
he uttered
'would
next
thursday suit you?'

(in memory of those who have helped me laugh back at life.)

Red Flowers green leaves

2008-06-27T08:29:00.003+08:00

you've coloured it green!

green flowers and
green leaves -
how can that be?

green flowers on a
white plane -
how is that possible?
now its black -
no, no, that's not the way!
can you not see?
that not the way
it should be.
there are colours for flowers
and different ones
for the leaves;
you can't go changing them
in the name of creativity.
you have to respect us
who have to view them.
imagination is
god's gift to a child
for developing maturity;
you and i cannot retain
such imprudence,
not if you expect us
to live with it -
no sir, keep them red
as they were meant to be!

2008-06-27T08:25:00.002+08:00

Words

Words
that capture
the moment
that paints
the image
that bears
the memory
that holds
the thought
that broke
the barrier
that held
the Man

Religion and Spirituality: Which to Choose?

2008-04-17T11:51:00.002+08:00

What is religion and what is spirituality? Does one choose one over the other? The way i define the two is as such: Religion is a structured sense of living based on the fundamentals of a faith that has a name, a source book and a way of worship, and religion is also the belief in the Creator who reveals Its presence to us through our worship of It in our daily live. (Worship of the Creator connotates living a life in accordance to the teachings of the faith, and not simply bowing down a million times a day to an image of the Creator) Spirituality, on the other hand, is about living the life in a state of awareness of the Creator’s presence, it focus in on the presence of our spirit, and not just our form. Is there any connection between religion and spirituality?
The two concepts, for me is two sides of a single coin. I cannot name the 'coin' but i do know that the 'coin' is my currency to good and satisfactory living. I need both the fundamentals of the faith and the ability to be aware of my spirit in the presence of the Creator to have a good and satisfactory life.

Dealing with Anxiety

2008-04-10T17:26:00.000+08:00

I sit here unable to move beyond my immediate preoccupation and let time pass me by. I am in a predicament. I know what needs to be done but I also know that it is beyond my control. I have been waiting for my PhD viva for the last 11 months. I have, in my mind, done all that is within my ability. So here I am stilling at my table consumed by my anxiety and unable to think and do anything else. My mind races through a check list of things that can be done and i am facing a brick wall. If only my supervisors could do this. If only the department could do that. If only the assistant registrar could do this. If only everyone involved could get their act together and ... How has my concerns been addressed by this mental preoccupation? It hasn’t. Has my anxiety been eliminated? No. Have I achieved anything by being preoccupied mentally of the issue? No.

How then can I address this issue? I can’t and I shan’t.

Instead I go and do something else. I look at something beautiful. In my case, that’s easy. My daughter is a beautiful child; at least in my eyes she is beautiful. Watching her sleep, in such peace, I forget my past and my future and immerse myself in my present. I realise what I have going in my life. I realise that once upon a time, I was alone and had no one to care for. I didn’t experience love from another human, the kind that I could appreciate. Now, 38 years old, I am a mother of this precious being. Her hugs and kisses sometimes appear at moments when I least need it, like when I am trying to finish a lecture or a paper. But now, at this very moment, I stop to say prayer of thanks to the Almighty. My daughter’s presence while asleep reminds me the presence of my soul. I learn to recollect my own concerns and put them in perspective. I learn to accept that this is what the Almighty has planned for me at this very moment of my life. I am to accept with patience and with faith – two of the hardest things to do in life when one is busy chasing after milestones. But learn I must and learn I will if I am to go beyond the pain and discomfort of my own anxiety.

Authentic self and the other

2008-03-16T16:53:00.000+08:00

It's taken me well over three decades to reach a point in my life in which I can create my own self representation in a public arena and not be overly concerned with the kind of reception I might get. I have had to learn that who we are and how others view us might be two sides of the same coin or might just be two different coins altogether.

We live in a society in which categories are the expected boundaries out of which social identities are constructed. What that means is we have a tendency to read each other's sense of self through the categorization that we form of them based on our sense perception of them. Without these categories we are not able to form interpersonal ties with our fellow human being. In other words, I forge relationships with others based on the opinions I form of them, and the opinion I form of a person will depend largely on my sense perception of him/her based on the categories that I consider relevant. These categories can vary from politics and cultural issues to more mundane ideas such as choice of music and social circles. In many ways, we evaluate others based on our standards and we then categorize them according to their ability to live up to that standard.

And yet, I also realize that this sense perception of that particular person is a representation of his/her sense of self as shown to me at one space of time. I cannot assume that my sense perception of this person at the time we met and spoke informs me of who he/she truly is. In other words, I must admit that I have not in any way understood the person’s “authentic self”, to quote Gary Zukav. That being the case I am mindful that others too might just be constructing a sense perception of me based on their value judgments. Whether or not I live up to that value judgment is not within my control for they will have read these value judgments into my actions and decide that I am person with X personality, Y attitude and Z issues. And based on these X, Y and Z character analysis, they will then decide whether I have met their criterion of a person they would like to be seen with and keep company with.

Hence, at the end of the day, there is only so much one can do to ensure that one is, as Arthur Miller writes, “well liked”. I would like to think that as the decades unfold my ability to be sensitive to my own inner voice will outshine my need to be sensitive to other people’s sense perception of me.